Note From Tongal: “How to Get Out of Filming Your Friend’s Wedding” is part of a series of Tongal Community-written blog posts that were originally sourced in the Tell Us About It Tongal Blog Project. Read more Tongal Community-written posts here and stay tuned for more opportunities to Pitch a topic and write for the Tongal Blog!
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Weddings are stupid. They're boring and long and uncomfortable and dumb and I hate them. The only thing worse than going to a wedding is having to film one. I know a lot of videographers are able to make a good living shooting weddings but I just have no interest in these types of gigs. But once or twice a year, a distant relative or a casual acquaintance will contact me on Facebook and sheepishly ask if I'll shoot their stupid wedding. Their messages usually go a little something like this:
"Hey man, long time no talk! Hope you've been good. I've been watching all the videos you've been posting on Facebook. You're totally crushing it! Always great to see your work pop up in my feed. Anyways, as you may have heard, I'm getting married in a few weeks! We weren't going to do a video but now my fiancé’s mom is saying we “have to” have one. I looked at some wedding video companies and their prices are ridiculous! So I was thinking, maybe you'd want to do the shoot? We definitely don't want anything super elaborate. We just want something simple. Really, we just need the ceremony and the big moments from the reception. We are already way, way over budget but we can pay you a little something (like maybe $150??) and of course we'll feed you! (the food is going to be epic!) Let me know what you think..."
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Maybe I'm overly sensitive but I find these types of requests to be pretty insulting. I mean, imagine if you had a friend that ran a bakery and made a living making cakes. You would never dream of asking them to bake you a 5-tier wedding cake in exchange for a mediocre dinner and little cash, right? It just seems like most “normal” people don’t get how hard it is to create a wedding video. Everyone says they just want "something simple." But even a "simple" video that features just the ceremony and the reception requires a huge time commitment.
To start, you have to spend a whole Saturday at a wedding you wouldn't otherwise attend. After the ceremony you'll have to stand around during the cocktail reception and even though the couple said you don't need to film it, you're there with no one to talk to so you might as well get some footage. Then after the big events of the reception, the bride will inevitably come up to you and ask if you could please, please get some footage of the dancing?? Before you know it, it's midnight and you just shot 8 hours of footage that’s gonna take you another 6 hours to edit down to 90 minutes.
So, there's a reason why wedding videos cost a ton of money. They're hard work! That's why I just avoid wedding shoots altogether. They're not worth the time or hassle. But what if your second cousin asks you to shoot his wedding? If you say no, that could lead to hurt feelings and long-lasting family drama. So if you want to get out of a wedding shoot, you need to get your friend or relative to say “no” for you. All you have to do is make them a reasonable offer that they’ll probably refuse.
Here are a few techniques I've tried over the years:
1. Ask for a favor in return:
Start off by explaining what your time commitment would be. For example, let's say it would take you 12 hours to shoot and edit the wedding. Tell your friend that you'll gift them 4 hours of work as a wedding present. And then instead of cash, they can pay you back in free labor. A favor for a favor is only fair, right? Maybe your friend can help you move. Or maybe they can spend a Saturday afternoon painting your house. Better yet, you should ask them for professional services. If they're an accountant, maybe they can do your taxes for free for the next 5 years. If they're a mechanic, they can owe you 25 free oil changes. This type of response should help your friend realize that there is actual value to what you do. Making videos is your job. You get paid to do it. They don't want to do anyone's taxes for free, so why should they expect you to want to shoot a feature-length video project for (practically) nothing?
2. Offer a massive discount:
Before you respond to the request, do a little research. Find out what companies in your area would charge to create a wedding video. Gently remind your friend that you earn your living making videos so as a rule, you can't give the service away for free. However, you can offer an old friend a "crazy, ridiculous, gigantic discount offer!"
Next, post links to a few of the wedding sites you found and describe the packages they offer. (e.g. White Rose Media says they'll film the pre-ceremony preparations, the ceremony, the cocktail hour, and the reception and then edit the footage down into a 90 minute video for $1,800.) Offer to do the exact same package for $800. That's a thousand dollar discount! How can they say no to such an incredibly generous offer!??!
Trust me, they'll probably figure out a way. You see, your friend is secretly hoping that you'll offer to do the project for free. If they turn down a 55% discount you can assume they'll wind up asking their uncle Larry to shoot the wedding with his iPhone and GoPro.
3. Make an equipment request:
It takes a lot of gear to properly shoot a wedding. You'll need two cameras, two tripods, a shotgun mic, a lav mic, a shoulder mount, a camera light, batteries and memory cards. If you're missing any of that stuff, tell your friend that they can pay you in gear. Need a second camera or a lav mic? Find one you like online and send your friend the link. Tell them, "Here's what I would need to properly film a wedding. If you buy this for me I can do the shoot."
This type of offer will probably melt their brains. $600 for one little microphone!? $800 for a USED camera on craigslist!? They'll be shocked by how much equipment actually costs. If you really want to blow their minds, tell them that you don't have time to make the order or meet the craigslist seller. So they'll need to pick up the item and drop it off at your place. And, oh by the way, maybe they can also stop at Best Buy and pick up a few extra memory cards while they're at it? The last thing your friend wants to do at this point is run more wedding errands so if you give him some legwork to do he'll probably just drop the whole thing.
Now a word of warning: These techniques aren't foolproof. If you offer to shoot your friend's wedding in exchange for a bunch of free oil changes, they might just say yes! In fact, the "buy me a new lav mic" once backfired on me and my friend actually accepted the offer.
If you do get roped into filming a wedding, here are a few tips from a reluctant veteran:
1. Prep all your gear the night before.
You don't want to be rushing around trying to get your equipment packed and ready before you leave in the morning. Charge your batteries, clear your memory cards, test your gear, and pack up your stuff the night before. That way you'll have time to take care of any equipment emergencies that pop up. Plus you can get an extra hour of sleep in the morning and that will ultimately make your day slightly less crappy.
2. Wear a suit (or dress).
I've been to a billion weddings and I've noticed that a lot of videographers under-dress for the occasion. No one wants to see some slob in a red polo shirt and khakis hovering around the bride and groom as they say their vows. Yes, filming in a suit is uncomfortable, but it's better to be overdressed than underdressed.
3. Pack a stash of supplies.
You're gonna be running and gunning all day so be sure to take care of yourself. Keep a cooler in your car filled with water, Gatorade and high protein snacks like cheese, nuts and beef sticks. Don't forget any over-counter-medication you may need to deal with sore feet, headaches, allergies, heartburn etc.
4. Keep your f*#%ing gain off.
Churches and reception halls are miserable places to shoot because they're usually pretty dark. No matter how dark it gets, act like a pro and leave your gain off. (If you're shooting with a DSLR, keep your ISO low.) Grain will ruin the footage you’re shooting. It's better to shoot dark and trust that your editor (probably you) will be able to brighten the footage in post.
5. Don't half-ass it.
If you get stuck doing a wedding, you might as well put your whole ass into it and try and do a good job. Even if your grandma forces you to film your cousin's wedding for free, you should try and act like a professional. You can never go wrong by exceeding expectations, especially when grandmas are involved.
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Commiserate with all your fellow filmmakers by sharing your wedding shoot horror stories in the comments below!
