If you’re anything like me or the beautiful millennials in the stock image above, you love the Christmas tradition of gathering around the tree with your best friends, having a few drinks and inexplicably pointing at things. Yay things!
Once your fingers are sore from all that pointing, you know it’s time to power up your favorite video streaming device and start binging some classic holiday movies. Because you’ve seen Love Actually and The Holiday a hundred times, here are 5 movies to watch this year in 1 sitting:
Jingle All the Way (1996)
RT Score: 16%
Start things off nice and light-hearted with this 1996 family-friendly affair (it will become apparent from this list that 1996 was the greatest year for Christmas movies in the history of the biz). J.A.W. is the shining example of how raising enough budget and putting two leading men who aren’t really actors together on screen for the first time is guaranteed entertainment gold! That being said, the late great Phil Hartman is the saving grace of the film. Put the cookie down!
Santa Claus with Muscles (1996)
RT Score: (non existent)
Continue the afternoon of 90’s madness with another muscled movie star. The Hulk stars in a movie so good it doesn’t even exist on Rotten Tomatoes. IMDB however gives it a solid 2.4/10. This was the time in history where Hollywood executives came up with great names for movies and some poor intern had to write the script. Santa Claus with Muscles is a fun romp that suggests bad guys can be made good through serious head trauma. Fun fact: it stars a young Mila Kunis. Drinking game alert! Everytime you think of a bet that Ed Begley Jr. must have lost to co-star in this fun, mess of a movie - drink!
Jack Frost (yup, 1996)
RT score: 7%
By now the sun has gone down and the air is getting frigid, thus begins the horror section of our guide. Who could forget this piece of cinema history (NOT to be confused with the equally frightening children’s comedy starring Michael Keaton)? Unlike the new Star Wars movie, the audience rating for Jack Frost is actually higher than the critics rating, because critics often can’t recognize brilliance when it challenges the status quo of “actually making sense.” This wraps up our ‘96 run; wow, what a year.
Silent Night Deadly Night, Part 2 (1987)
RT Score: (non existent)
It wouldn’t be Christmas without the best movies on this list, SNDN 2. Since it doesn’t have one, I will estimate an RT score of 99%. Apparently 30 minutes of runtime of this film is literally the same footage from the first SNDN, so don’t worry if you haven’t seen it. Legit drinking game for this one, you’ll need it. Of course, watch below for the “Here’s lookin at you, kid”-esque line of the the 1980’s:
Batman Returns (1992)
RT Score: 81%
Honestly, this movie is amazing and highly underrated. It’s the obvious choice to round out the night with a great movie. I suggest you end Christmas the way I do every year, by watching St. Christopher Walken in all his glory. Enjoy!
Bonus bedtime story! You can put the Netflix original, A Christmas Prince on to help ease you into a peaceful slumber, your best night of sleep of the year.
